Army of Darkness

Army of Darkness (1992) is the direct sequel to my previously reviewed film….. The Evil Dead II.

Starring none other than the big boy of B-Movie badassness… Bruce Campbell (I enjoyed the sound of all those b’s). Ash (Bruce’s character) is catapulted from the present right into the medieval era, where the book of the dead has, yet again, been unleashed (obviously by Bruce….). He quickly becomes the hero to these people and amply shows off his boom stick. (his gun you perverts… I know what you were thinking!!). To cut a long story short, Bruce must save the country from the blight of the undead in order to be sent back home.

This movie has got quite a few hilarious moments. The terribly bad jokes and puns are just sooo bad, they’re hilarious!!. Still as gory as ever, if you liked the Evil Dead II, you’re definitely in for a treat. By far one of Bruce Campbell’s better films but not quite as funny as it’s prequel.

The only problem I have with this movie are the sub-characters. The one or two there are we don’t really get to know and in all honesty, we don’t really get to care much about. Beneath the skull splitting monster-killing action, there are a few sub-plots, however they’re quite basic (probably due to the fact that in the end, this is a B-Movie).

Acting – 4/5 (BRUCE CAMPBELL!!!!)

Plot – 3/5

Enjoyability – 4/5

Overall – 3.5/5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UD_82kvQLkA – Trailer

Spartacus: Vengeance

American TV recently has a tendency to deliver an harmonic symphony of sex, blood and dismemberment… the third season of Spartacus doesn’t disappoint.

A new main actor brings the brutal and bloody needs of all you Spartacus fans out there straight to your screen.

This season starts off where the first ended. Spartacus and his muscle bound, mammoth-like gladiators have gone on the run from Rome, leaving a trail of blood and dismembered limbs in their path. His goal is to build up an army and avenge his wife’s death by killing her murderer, the newly dubbed Praetor, Cladius Glaber (Craig Parker).

Spartacus, now played by Liam McIntyre after the original star, Andy Whitfield, sadly died of cancer in September 2011. Though not as good an actor as Andy, Liam fills in Spartacus’ shoes pretty well and has thus far not failed to impress fans. His other co-stars, including Peter Mensah (Doctore), Nick Tarabay (Ashur – a personal favourite) Manu Bennett (Crixus) and several other surprise cast members from both season one and season two have made this series really boom.

Full of Blood and sex just like Rome and Game of Thrones. The battle scenes are just as heart-pounding as before and the writing team has really thrown a few curve-balls into the mix which make you pull your hair out at the end credits each week. The first two episodes were really hard to watch and were just plain bad, but the they seem to get it together by episode three and it’s now getting really good.

The acting in the first episode is, well, appalling… It’s like all the actors decided it would be a wonderful idea to run head first into a wall over and over again, till they lost any shred of talent they originally possessed. This, thankfully, gets better as the season rolls on. The writing is pretty decent and is getting better and better with every episode.

A little warning for all the younger viewers out there. Do not watch this series! It’s definitely not for you!!! This also goes for the feint of heard and easily offended. If you don’t like nudity or limbs flying everywhere then please, refrain from watching.

I recommend watching this season as it really does reel-you in and the plotlines are quite solid.

Acting – 3/5

Plot – 3/5 – getting much much better as the season progresses but first 2 episodes were just bad and I can’t overlook it.

Enjoyability – 4.5/5

Overall – 3.5/5

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tNdutDDCUQU – Season 3 Trailer

Conan The Barbarian (2011)

If you listen closely you can hear the growls of the upset man-beast, Schwarzenegger, ready to charge at his prey. ‘I’ll be back damn it!! CONAN THE BARBARIAN IS MINE!!’ This, of course, before monster has actually watched the film. After, all we can hear are the weepy sounds of an upset twelve year old schoolgirl.

So where did it all go wrong? Well let’s start with the story. Conan’s tribe is destroyed by an evil tyrant warlord who is looking for a mask which could resurrect his wife (an evil sorceress with the power to make him a god), brutally killing Conan’s father before his very eyes. That’s it… The main characters are then introduced and there is virtually no character development throughout the entire production and unlike the original Conan films, there are no real sidekicks!!! The rest of the movie is spent with Conan skipping ‘Tra-lala-lala’ through the land randomly saving a girl and killing brainless idiots.

This film had high expectations, yet belly flopped and drowned under a pile of S***. It’s an insult to the (badly made but now cult classic) first two Conan films (1982 and 1984) which starred his highness, Mr. Universe (Arnold Schwarzenegger). Replacing him with a younger Jason Momoa (from Game of Thrones), might not have been a mistake, as he should have fit the part quite well. The rest of the cast starred Ron Pearlman (Hellboy), Stephen Lang, Rachel Nichols and to my horror…. Rose McGowan (why…..just….why….), which in all honestly sounds like, MOSTLY, a solid cast.

Stephen Lang, the villain, has one layer and is as terrifying as a Polly Pocket’s pink princess castle (actually that sound’s scary to me but you get my drift) and Rose McGowan’s acting is a bit like watching the Tele-Tubbies….pure torture. The music is quite bad and doesn’t help set the scene. I believe the best word to describe it is, cheesy.

I’ll only recommend watching this film if you’re bored but be warned, it could honestly ruin the Conan franchise for you.

Acting – 2/5 (should have been 5/5 but they really screwed up)

Plot – 1/5

Enjoyability – 2/5

Overall – 2/5 (what a disappointment)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o1iJZIMddpM – official trailer

Alcatraz

In March 1963, over 300 inmates from Alcatraz were transferred from the prison and it was permanently shut down…. Or were they? DUM Dum dum!!!

The premise for this new TV show is that everyone inside Alcatraz (in San Francisco) had actually vanished, gone without a trace, leaving the US government to create a massive (surprise surprise) cover-up!! Fast-forward to the present and they start re-appearing and killing people. It’s produced by none other than the grand-daddy of out of left-field ideas – J.J. Abrams (Fringe, Super 8, Lost, need I say more). The plot is so far out there that it sometimes ruins the immersion and makes you actually feel stupid for watching. HOWEVER (before people start slapping me around), it has actually found something unique and is decent to watch.

The cast, made up of Emerson Hauser (played by Sam Neill….. hmm, inmates brought back from the past….Dinosaurs brought back to life…..see a pattern here), Rebecca Madsen (played by Sarah Jones), Lucy Banerjee (Parminder Nagra) and Diego Soto (Jorge Garcia – who plays the nerdy-yet-loveable Alcatraz obsessed nerd extremely well). The acting is generally quite good and with Sam Neil and his ‘unique’ eye-brow squishing facial expressions make the series quite entertaining.

Each episode sees a new Villain returning with a hunger to kill!!! This, thrown in with a conspiracy theory of ’is someone behind it?’ and ‘why now?’ has thus far, kept me interested in watching.

The Character development is quite good and you end up caring for them. The story line has kept Sam Neill’s character a bit of a mystery which I find to be quite interesting as, in true Abrams fashion, leaves us in a constant state of ‘BUT WHY DOES HE DO THIS… IS HE REALLY WHO HE SAYS HE IS!!!’

I recommend watching this, particularly if you were a fan of Fringe or detective shows. I warn you C.S.I. fanatics out there, there are no ‘watch how the bullet went through the body’ type of scenes as its more logical detective work, where they try and pin down when and where the next murder will happen. In the first episode, the acting seems to be a bit forced but it smoothens out as the first season rolls on.

Acting – 4/5 (Especially Sam Neil who really sells the mystery of his character)

Plot – 3/5 (for trying to turn actual events round on their head)

Enjoyability – 4/5

Overall – 1/5  …… just kidding,  4/5

The Immortals

Wow, The Immortals is possibly the absolute BEST FILM EVER. No, I am not bought by the director…..honest….

Well, if I truthfully meant that then I probably deserve to be slapped by a sardine wielding Zeus. I don’t even know where to begin with this one, I’ve seen a number of bad films in my time but my God, this one takes the cake. Let’s begin with the story line. The film takes place in the onset of a war between the god fearing Greeks and the rebellious titan worshippers. Here, King Hyperion (played by Mickey Rourke in possible his worst acting job ever) tries to find a magical enchanted bow which will allow him to release the titans, defeat the gods and take OVER THE WORLD!!!  MUHAHAHA…..sorry, couldn’t resist.

Theseus (played by Henry Cavill) is chosen by Zeus (Luke Evans) to fight Hyperion and his army of facially scarred and grotesque rather gladiator sized men. As the plot suggests, the movie is expected to be action packed, full of sword-wielding action. In this respect it does not disappoint. The film is also quite gory, full of blood splatter and brains being smashed in (always fun to watch). This, however, is not enough to save this film from the acting prowess of a one-year-old-baby.

The leading Lady, Phaedra (played by Freida Pinto) is a prophet with the ability to see into the future (wow, how original, as if every other film set in this era doesn’t have a sight-seer…).

Aside from the acting, the plot does have some questionable moments which will leave you thinking; ‘why did this happen in the first place!’ The main Villain is the ‘if you fail me, i’ll kill you’ type, which leaves me thinking; ‘WHY THE HELL DOES HE HAVE SO MANY SOLDIERS FOLLOWING HIM IN THE FIRST PLACE!!!!’

Character development is also a joke. Aside from Theseus and Phaedra, you couldn’t care less if any of the other characters die (and a lot of them do). The only way I can justify someone watching this film is if they are bored at home and have already seen all the other ancient Greek-era films out there.

Trailer – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7VdONYkKFmQ

Acting – 1/5

Plot – 2/5 (Greek Mythology has been overdone)

Enjoyability – 2/5

Overall – 1.5/5